I trashed my wedding dress

So I trashed my wedding dress.  It’s ripped stained and FILTHY! I even found a clump of my hair round one of the pearl fastenings. My maid of honour informed me the morning after my wedding, that when she was undressing me the night before (I was too drunk to do so) it got stuck so she had to rip it off, and I didn’t even notice, just rolled around naked. You can probably imagine the kind of wedding I had just from this intro.

When you’re a bride, its far to easy to take on the roll of ‘The Bride’ like you’re in a play, you put on a dress and makeup and start being someone else. There’s this idea of a bride being this pure, graceful, elegant and somewhat ethereal being that glides around the wedding greeting guests arm in arm with her love and I totally get it. When I put my dress on, and I had my bouquet clutched in my hands, surrounded by my girls I felt like I was on duty. I felt like as the day was about me, I had to be on my best behaviour, look the best I’d ever looked and be the happiest I’d felt. I was in he spotlight, a pedestal. I needed to prove something. I felt responsible for everyone. I felt like the hostess of 120 people and it was my sole responsibility to make sure that each and everyone was having a good time and if they weren’t, that it was my fault. Dumb right?  The one thing I regret about my wedding is that I didn’t let go and just be ME. I felt the need to walk around all day talking to guests and making sure they were ok. I should of only one this once, that way I’ve said my hellos and that would of then allowed me to take a seat and just take it all in, enjoy it like everyone else and be really part of it, rather than just drifting through.

It got to the point however, where the day was going by so fast that I felt a little like Sarah in the Labyrinth with only a few hours left on the clock. At that point (admittedly a little too late) I decided to drop the ‘Bride’ and get absolutely train wrecked with my friends and why not? I’d planned this party for two years, paid for it all out of my life savings and it was all about me and Maff. If anyone was going to get drunk at this party, it was going to be me.

I carried and sipped armfuls of margaritas that were passed to me by my guests, I wolfed down burritos and crepes in a mad rush before the caterers left and I rolled around the dance floor, ripping parts of my dress in the process. I walked back to my accommodation carrying the train of my dress with Ellie my maid of honour up the dirt track, then I don’t remember anymore. Maff was found sleeping in the car holding Barney our pug, before he was returned to our bed (so no, there was definitely no consummating the marriage, lol). I woke the next morning butt naked, totally confused and turned to make sure Maff was there, he was. I needed to clear away this hang over, and fast. So I got up, put some clothes on and sat by the pool – I needed fresh air.

BUT, I couldn’t help feeling guilty for getting so pissed. I had the guilt, or the booze blues. That horrible feeling of ‘what did I do?!’ ‘was I annoying?!’ ‘What did I say?!’ lingered for most of the morning until I realised that everyone else was also significantly hung over and I was told many o’ drunk tale of everyone’s night. I still felt bad for being a drunk bride, but with the encouraging words of my bridesmaids, it actually didn’t matter at all!

So lets be real here, booze aside. The wedding planning process and having the responsibility of entertaining and feeding a bunch of people is overwhelming. So there is no point of adding to the stress by having to be something you’re not. You’re having a celebration that is about you and your love. The day is entirely yours and about you and bringing everyone you love together. So no one is going to judge you for just being you (I wish I’d realised this earlier on in the day). You’re not playing a role, meeting expectations and you’re not slotting into bride mode. You are you, in a pretty dress, with banging makeup and you’re about to marry your lover and then celebrate it with all the best people. That’s all it is. If you want to sit at a table all day and wait for people to come to you, do it, people are just as capable as you are of saying hello. If you want to party with your best friends like you’re 18 again, then do it, its probably rare these days to have all your friends in one place. If you decide break dancing is totally your new fave thing, then breakdance and rip and spill things in the process.

Its your day, there are no rules on how you should behave. Ignore any social norms, or what your great aunt Sal might say. Its your day and you’re going to be the coolest, most carefree and badass bride that ever walked down the aisle.

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17 Comments

  1. hazel stainsby
    10th October 2017 / 9:21 pm

    I love watching or reading about your wedding and how your felt and stuff. As I’m only a year away from my own wedding. This makes me more comfortable and at easy with enjoying my day and the planning of the wedding. I’m very much a controlling person so this is making me want to be a little less controlling and just enjoy the day. Thanks you so much

  2. 10th October 2017 / 9:45 pm

    You looked absolutely fab on your wedding day! It’s a shame you didn’t really enjoy the day until nearer the end but you shouldn’t feel bad about getting drunk and enjoying yourself. However this is only one day and even though it’s supposed to be the best day of your life, you and Maff have the rest of your lives together and you should enjoy every other day even more xxxx

  3. Veronica
    10th October 2017 / 9:46 pm

    This pictures are dope Helen!

  4. Breanna
    10th October 2017 / 9:47 pm

    What a badass babe! You are always unapologetically yourself and that’s what’s most inspiring about you. Your style and beauty drew me in the first time I saw one of your videos but the way you encourage me to be who I am no matter what is why I stick around. These pictures are gorgeous and I’m so glad you share your life with viewers.

  5. 10th October 2017 / 10:03 pm

    Yes helen! Love this.

  6. Colin
    11th October 2017 / 12:31 am

    “Up the dirt track” may need rewording

  7. 11th October 2017 / 7:38 am

    I absolutely love these photos. And go you for being the drunk bride. It was your wedding and your reception to celebrate so if anyone deserved to be drunk then it was you.
    I got married when I was 19 (I got divorced last year after 10 years of marriage) and only had one drink at my reception. If I was to get married now…I would definitely be the drunk bride!
    You look beautiful xx

  8. Joanne
    11th October 2017 / 8:05 am

    Love this post!! So true! I got married in May and had 2 years of so much stress that by the wedding day all the stress was gone & I enjoyed every second I didnt worry about if others were happy, I could see everyone was having the time of their life. I was able to let my hair down! I danced non stop! Now nearly 4 months on I have serious wedding Blues!! Your wedding was so beautiful.. You looked amazing! Glad you had an amazing time and let your hair down, us brides deserve too! It’s hard work planning a wedding! Xx

  9. Rosie
    11th October 2017 / 9:53 am

    Love this! Top advice!
    After the photos and speeches at ours I finally let go and had a blast, drinking gin and dancing like a lunatic! X

  10. 11th October 2017 / 11:32 am

    This is such a great post. So real and true. I’m glad you ended up having a wild night, I couldn’t imagine you doing it any other way.
    April x

    Avril Marie | Lifestyle Blogger

  11. ROCKM
    11th October 2017 / 3:12 pm

    Love these piccies and i agree. I ended up hated my dress and the day by 9:30pm…i was just tired and done with being “bride”. Once i got back to the hotel room and changed into my pjs, i was back to being me and felt really happy. But we ended up not returning to our guests but reading their cards as we fell asleep. Weddings are sooo odd!!

  12. 11th October 2017 / 4:24 pm

    Lovely images and an amazing read, it is so nice to see realistic post on weddings and how a normal bride actually feels. You go girl xx

  13. Jade
    11th October 2017 / 5:51 pm

    I relate so much to this and your post wedding video. It’s so immensely validating to know that I’m not the only one that felt this way.
    I’m so glad you’re talking about it because then more people will talk about some of the less whimsical, idealistic aspects of wedding days.
    I think if I’d had this to read pre-wedding, I’d have been less alarmed by the beer fear and would have progressed through the self analysis to reach happy acceptance of myself and my bridal behaviour a lot sooner.

    And I say this as the ultimate boozy, speech heckling, dance floor rocking, cake guzzling, bridal fiend that I was!
    Which as it happens, is exactly the type of person that I am.

    I’m also all over frocking up again post wedding. I’ll be in mine for my 30th Birthday. Living my best life in the most expensive dress I’ll ever spill cake over. Yaaaaaaas! <3

  14. Soph
    11th October 2017 / 6:46 pm

    I love this! I’m in the process of planning mine and it can be so overwhelming. Reading this was refreshing and the perfect reminder to be in the moment and enjoy it. Love xx

  15. Gem
    11th October 2017 / 7:35 pm

    This was insane to read. Go you Helen!!

  16. 12th October 2017 / 8:56 am

    Yess Helen so glad that you actually enjoyed your wedding I just got engaged and hate the thought of having to be on my best behaviour to fit in with what a bride should be. Sounds like you totally rocked your wedding

  17. 16th October 2017 / 9:10 am

    Helen, you’re such an inspiration! YOU ROCK!

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